Posts tagged JLS
X Factor: the five best performances of all time
Aug 21st
We’ve had the first X Factor episode of 2010 and 2.5 – yes 2.5 – of my predictions have already materialised. That’s no.2, no.3 and half of no.8. (It looks like Joe Celery’s* album might not be gracing my CD shelves after all).
I’m going to save my main X Factor blogging for the Live Finals and, instead, this week I’ve been inspired by a recent Guardian article on the six best X Factor performances of all time. (I also figure that if I send the Guardian web traffic they might be more willing to approach me to Live Blog for them). However, I do feel the Guardian missed a few classics. So below are five more for inclusion.
Diana Vickers – “Call Me”
Vickers did some downright quirky performances in season four of the X Factor, which were mostly 100% amazing. Who else could get away with singing “Man In The Mirror” with their back to the audience? Or “I’m Not A Girl (Not Yet A Woman)”, Britney’s weirdest song (yes, and that includes “If You Seek Amy” and the really bizarre one about threesomes)? But Vickers’ best had to be the amazing “Call Me”: Vickers rocks out on a bench, surrounded by roller-skaters, for no real reason. It works perfectly and essentially she is prefiguring Glee two years early. By far the most interesting contestant the X Factor’s ever had.
Alexandra Burke – “Candyman”
“Candyman” was Alexandra’s equivalent of Leona Lewis’ “Summertime”: a breakthrough performance that screamed star quality. It was in this performance that Alex hinted that she might be the first proper popstar the X Factor had produced: someone who could both sing and dance. At the same time.
Shayne Ward – “Take Ya Mama”
Shayne Ward should have been massive (the British Justin Timberlake, I tell you). And this performance marked something significant. For the first time they gave a contestant a song released just ONE YEAR BEFORE. Yes, this is where they started to realise that “relevance” was importance.
Shayne had a brilliant voice (the male equivalent of Leona) and the *best* falsetto – and here he sings a song about coming out to your mum by taking her clubbing in that falsetto and yet still sounds quite masculine. If only he hadn’t released a solo single with the lyric “I want to thank your mother just for giving you birth” and he might have been amazing. Please come back with some excellent material, Shayne.
4. Ruth Lorenzo – “Always”
Ruth was interesting because she was kind of like Shakira crossed with Bon Jovi. Ignore the odd wobbly note in the below performance (she’d just been voted out) and this is proper fall-on-your-knees-with-emotion singing, which anyone who’s seen me do karaoke will know is my absolute favourite kind. By the end of the song there is essentially just screaming occurring and it sounds bloody (fist shakingly) brilliant.
5. Leona Lewis and Take That – “A Million Love Songs”
It’s got to be the best ever X Factor duet. From the “Ladies and Gentleman…Take That!”, to the amazing key change and the fact that Mark, Jason and Howard occasionally look a bit lost, it’s just pure brilliance. And even better for the moment four minutes in where Gary Barlow tells Simon Cowell that he better not give Leona the usual sh*t album he’s given previous winners, or else.
I can think of at least three more (Alexandra & Beyonce’s “Listen”, JLS’ “Umbrella”, Stacey Solomon’s “Who Wants To Live Forever”) but must leave it there before the YouTube videos crash my page. Plus I really want to watch CSI Miami. A Blog post may also emerge on some of the more car crash performances too (I’m thinking of several weird performances by siblings who seemed to be singing love songs to each other).
Please do share your own thoughts. If you comment it makes my Literary Agent Flatmate believe that I have a large Internet Following and therefore makes it more likely she’ll ask me to write books.
*Spell check changes it to this and I quite like it.
How To Be More Like Jake Gyllenhaal
Jul 1st
If my first choice career of being approached by my Literary Agent Flatmate to write exciting novels on, err, Popular Culture somehow falls through, I do have a Plan B. Dream career Plan B involves establishing the World’s First School For Reality TV Stars. In this Academy, I’d train potential contestants on crucial elements such as how to create the strongest back story in a VT, how to perform a song so that people say you’ve made it your own, and, finally – but most importantly - how to react to your victory/getting voted out.
In fact, there will be a whole semester on the latter.
I was reminded of the importance of this by Wimbledon. Yesterday, lovely Federer was beaten by Berdych. On first watch, I thought Berdych’s reacted to this shock victory by, well, seemingly pointing and laughing at Federer. This is not good. If Wimbledon was decided by phone votes, Berdych would be out immediately in the next round.*
Lucky for Berdych, Tennis isn’t decided by phone votes. Yet. But for when it is, here’s a taster of my masterclass on How To Win And Lose In Reality TV.
[EDIT: It may have been pointed out that Berdych is not actually pointing and laughing at Federer but at the crowd instead. So he's not horrible after all. But if he had, that would have been horrible, and therefore it would have been the perfect analogy to start my blog with. Nevermind.]
Rule Number 1: If you get voted out, don’t get angry.
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s greatest innovation has been taking the ”isn’t it sad you’ve been voted out” moment of TV talent shows to a new, shocking level, by forcing devastated voted-out contestants to sing a mocking musical number all about the fact they’ve been voted out. Fascinating and hideous.
Back in 2007, Andrew was hunting for the West End’s new Joseph in “Any Dream Will Do”. Seamus, the oldest contestant, was voted out in week three. Over-confident Seamus goes into meltdown at this result: firstly he looks like he wants to kill everybody. Secondly, he declares it’s all “a conspiracy theory” (i.e. “my mum tried to vote 19 times but kept getting the engaged tone”). Thirdly, he fights a bit with his fellow Josephs when they try to take his Technicolour Dreamcoat off him. And to top that all off, he even changes the lyrics of his eviction song, which would have come across as quite witty if he hadn’t proceeded to hit several notes that definitely weren’t meant to be in the song. Truly painful and yet amazing viewing. Just watch this clip.
Rule Number 2: If you win, blub like a trooper
Alexandra Burke’s reaction to winning the X Factor divides opinion, but I say collapsing on Cheryl Cole whilst blubbing like a maniac is an amazing way to do it. I’ve discussed the clip below before, but I’m not above rehashing old material so it’s worth me enumerating why it’s so great all over again:
1. Her crying is genuine, slightly ugly, proper fall on your knees wailing.
2. After losing, one of JLS misunderstands and thinks he is Obama and says something like “because of this moment, others have hope. Victory after Victory”.
3. When Dermot offers to show her her single Alex says “yes please” like a baby.
4. Despite breaking down mid song with overwhelming emotion she recovers like a trouper and belts out enormous, epic notes. The other contestants are practically holding her up in the final notes.
5. Diana Vickers STILL has no shoes on.
Rule Number 3: Don’t react until you’re definitely sure you’ve won
Surely it could never happen that a Reality TV Host would ever get it wrong and announce the wrong person as the winner, could it? (Yes, it’s happened. So always count for 5 seconds before reacting).
Rule Number 4: If one of your friends gets voted out ,don’t run on stage at the end and steal their thunder.
I’m sure my house created the nickname “Eggnog” for Eoghan from X Factor. Either way, Eggnog made a major faux pas when he got through to the X Factor final and his bessie mate Diana Vickers got voted out. Diana Vickers is trying to finish her goodbye song with a bit of dignity. She’s barely finishing her last note before Eggnog’s running on stage shoving his face in the camera and trying to snog her. This is Diana’s moment, Eggnog. Move over. (Although I do find it sort of sweet. Sort of).
Rule Number 5: Be more like Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal’s reaction to his Best Supporting Actor BAFTA win back in 2006 is just the way to do it, on all counts. So if all else fails, try being more like Jake Gyllenhaal.
Rule Number 6: No matter how bad it feels when you lose, think about how yours fans are taking it.
I think this is my favourite reaction to, well, anything ever. Two girls react to Adam Lambert (wrongfully) losing in the final to American Idol. Why were they filming themselves? I have no idea, but it’s absolutely brilliant.
I’m still laughing.
*And Andy Roddick would be voted back in, mainly because he has amazing eyes.