Popular Culture
X Factor: the five best performances of all time
Aug 21st
We’ve had the first X Factor episode of 2010 and 2.5 – yes 2.5 – of my predictions have already materialised. That’s no.2, no.3 and half of no.8. (It looks like Joe Celery’s* album might not be gracing my CD shelves after all).
I’m going to save my main X Factor blogging for the Live Finals and, instead, this week I’ve been inspired by a recent Guardian article on the six best X Factor performances of all time. (I also figure that if I send the Guardian web traffic they might be more willing to approach me to Live Blog for them). However, I do feel the Guardian missed a few classics. So below are five more for inclusion.
Diana Vickers – “Call Me”
Vickers did some downright quirky performances in season four of the X Factor, which were mostly 100% amazing. Who else could get away with singing “Man In The Mirror” with their back to the audience? Or “I’m Not A Girl (Not Yet A Woman)”, Britney’s weirdest song (yes, and that includes “If You Seek Amy” and the really bizarre one about threesomes)? But Vickers’ best had to be the amazing “Call Me”: Vickers rocks out on a bench, surrounded by roller-skaters, for no real reason. It works perfectly and essentially she is prefiguring Glee two years early. By far the most interesting contestant the X Factor’s ever had.
Alexandra Burke – “Candyman”
“Candyman” was Alexandra’s equivalent of Leona Lewis’ “Summertime”: a breakthrough performance that screamed star quality. It was in this performance that Alex hinted that she might be the first proper popstar the X Factor had produced: someone who could both sing and dance. At the same time.
Shayne Ward – “Take Ya Mama”
Shayne Ward should have been massive (the British Justin Timberlake, I tell you). And this performance marked something significant. For the first time they gave a contestant a song released just ONE YEAR BEFORE. Yes, this is where they started to realise that “relevance” was importance.
Shayne had a brilliant voice (the male equivalent of Leona) and the *best* falsetto – and here he sings a song about coming out to your mum by taking her clubbing in that falsetto and yet still sounds quite masculine. If only he hadn’t released a solo single with the lyric “I want to thank your mother just for giving you birth” and he might have been amazing. Please come back with some excellent material, Shayne.
4. Ruth Lorenzo – “Always”
Ruth was interesting because she was kind of like Shakira crossed with Bon Jovi. Ignore the odd wobbly note in the below performance (she’d just been voted out) and this is proper fall-on-your-knees-with-emotion singing, which anyone who’s seen me do karaoke will know is my absolute favourite kind. By the end of the song there is essentially just screaming occurring and it sounds bloody (fist shakingly) brilliant.
5. Leona Lewis and Take That – “A Million Love Songs”
It’s got to be the best ever X Factor duet. From the “Ladies and Gentleman…Take That!”, to the amazing key change and the fact that Mark, Jason and Howard occasionally look a bit lost, it’s just pure brilliance. And even better for the moment four minutes in where Gary Barlow tells Simon Cowell that he better not give Leona the usual sh*t album he’s given previous winners, or else.
I can think of at least three more (Alexandra & Beyonce’s “Listen”, JLS’ “Umbrella”, Stacey Solomon’s “Who Wants To Live Forever”) but must leave it there before the YouTube videos crash my page. Plus I really want to watch CSI Miami. A Blog post may also emerge on some of the more car crash performances too (I’m thinking of several weird performances by siblings who seemed to be singing love songs to each other).
Please do share your own thoughts. If you comment it makes my Literary Agent Flatmate believe that I have a large Internet Following and therefore makes it more likely she’ll ask me to write books.
*Spell check changes it to this and I quite like it.
X Factor 2010: 10 Things That Will Definitely Happen
Aug 20th
THE X FACTOR IS BACK. This is *significant* news. Not only does this mean that it’s very nearly Christmas, it also means that I am officially back, blogging with a vengeance! *Screams of delight from Internet Following (aka Flatmates)*.
For my first official X Factor post of 2010 *scream*, I have decided to publish 10 things that will definitely happen this year *gasp*. The aim of this post is that when each comes true I will be officially recognised as the Voice of Popular Culture and quickly approached to live blog for the Guardian *nods of agreement*.
(I’ve decided it’s best to tell readers exactly how to react to the Blog).
So here we go:
1. Grandparents will be inordinately mentioned (an average of at least four mentions per episode. I will be counting).
Whilst it’s great that most people love their grandparents, an average X Factor episode includes at least four contestants wailing backstage that if they miss the big note, a grandparent will spontaneously implode.
This year it will be taken up a notch, with a Live Final Group being actually composed of grandchild and grandparent, so that grandchild can directly wail/cry at grandparent (voted out week 3).
2. A pair will audition. One will be told they’re quite good; the other rubbish. Simon will tell them that if the quite good one comes back alone, they’ve got a chance.
The quite good one will come back alone. They won’t have a chance.
3. The songs chosen will almost be entirely from Glee.
As much as I love it, the X Factor favours replication over innovation and the songs from Glee are tested crowd-pleasers.
There will almost certainly be mash-ups.
4. Louis will put someone through simply because they’re Irish.
I’m thinking the Conway Sisters, I’m thinking Jedward. I’m thinking the McDougal Brothers (whoops, they were Scottish).
5. A failed ex-Boyband member will audition.
The poor fellow will be put all the way through to Judges’ Houses before being rejected. Again.
6. The Judges will pick their top 24. The Judges will then be filmed driving away and Simon will say “I think we’ve made a mistake”. They will then put someone through at the last minute.
This will definitely happen.
7. A girl group will be voted out first week.
Ideally they will be dressed like strippers. Just because this always works well for a group. It’s tradition.
8. There will be Gaga.
The premise of the X Factor has always been to, well, duh, find somebody with the X Factor, that little bit special and unique. Simon Cowell recently said that Lady Gaga was “the most relevant pop artist in the world at the moment”. Any fan of the X Factor will know that this is MASSIVE PRAISE as being relevant is the greatest compliment an artist could ever get. The X Factor/Pop Idol has previously flirted with artists who are truly interesting, quirky and unique (Diana Vickers, Rhydian, Adam Lambert): and I think this year will be full of Gaga-esque performers. This means quirky females with attitude, who occasionally do something shocking on stage. They won’t win, as the quirky ones never do. But they’ll get quite far.
Either way, someone will do Bad Romance. I can just feel it. It won’t be good. Or it will be amazing. I’m not sure. Whatever happens, there will definitely be cat gestures.
9. The 28’s and over category will be comprised of three 28 year olds.
The over 25s category used to be one of the hardest to mentor; until last year, that was, when they finally worked out that you could fill it with 25 year olds. This year they’ve upped the age limit of this category and – if they have sense – they’ll fill it with 28 year olds (I’m nearly 28 and I could definitely still be a successful popstar). That is unless Louis Walsh gets the category, which he would fill with an 80 year old called Bert (who is Irish).
10. A group will win.
X Factor has shown it can produce successful female winners (Leona, Alexandra) and that it usually doesn’t produce successful male winners (Steve, Leon, Shayne). Following JLS, 2010 is the year to show a group can win. Cheryl will therefore get the groups.
If at least 50% of these don’t happen I will buy Joe McElderry’s album.
I can’t wait! Please share your own predictions below.
P.S. 11. No one will be as good as Diana Vickers.