Throughout 2009 I was mostly ignoring Lady Gaga. “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” didn’t do much for me. I would go so far to say that I thought she was a vessel for slightly soulless but catchy dance/R&B/pop songs. But in 2010 this has all changed. In my house there’s even been whispers that she could be the “new Beyonce” (a genuine honour). And here is why:
1. The Bad Romance video. Why is she stuck in a suitcase? Why do her and her friends think they are cats? Why is she so keen to stay in the bath? Why is she now dressed as a lobster? Why is she now dragging a bear on her back? Does she know that a rat has climbed onto her head? Why are her eyes so big? Why does her face look different in every single shot? So. Many. Fascinating. Questions. The song itself is also brilliant. I am working hard to memorize the “rah-rah ah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma, ga-ga oh-la-la” bit. Much to my housemates’ delight.
Even better: if you fancy recreating the video at home, here’s how (this is absolutely brilliant):
2. For no apparent reason, half way through Lady Gaga’s performance of “Paparazzi” at the VMAs last year fake blood started gushing suddenly from her rib cage. She staggered around the stage and found a rope. She then attached herself to this rope, ascended with blood smeared across her face, wailed frantically and a halo appeared behind her.
3. For no apparent reason, in Lady Gaga’s 2009 X Factor performance she decided to be a bat in a bath, surrounded by people who looked dead and angry but think they are cats. Lady Gaga, realizing she’s the only bat amongst a lot of cats, quickly tries to blend in by awkwardly ditching the bat arms and also pretending she’s a cat. It seems to work. She then sits on a giant fake loo and plays the piano for a bit. The cat-people seem drawn to this and wiggle their hips around her. She then gets back into the bath: the cat people seem less happy with this and push her to the edge of the bath. (Apparently she wanted lambs on stage with her. God knows what she would have done with them. I hate Simon Cowell for telling her no).
5. Even better, for her post performance interview with Dermot she remains in the bath, bending backwards over the edge. Dermot claps awkwardly as though trying to mark the end of the “Performing Bat Lady Gaga” and the beginning of “normal Lady Gaga”. This doesn’t work.
The backing dancers all still to look dead and angry. One of them even continues to do little cat claw moves in the background whilst Dermot inquires into who Lady Gaga’s favourite contestant is. Instantly she outdoes Britney, Robbie and Whitney’s post performance interviews (which are all legendary in their own right)
6. She has worn a dress made up of Kermit the Frogs. This is true innovation.
7. As is creating a hat out of your own hair:
8. She’s become the Chief Creative Officer for Polaroid. How on earth has this happened? What on earth will she create? I am full of both fear and wonder.
9. A genius has made a Lady Gaga Barbie Doll. These are amazing. Children need this.
10. Was she always this bonkers? As I was previously ignoring her, I’m not sure when the madness began. Either way, how has someone so left-field become the biggest selling artist in the world in 2009?* I find this amazing. And also uplifting, that someone so far from conventional is not classed as niche. Now, bring on the Susan Boyle duet please…
* I think this might be true.
P.S. 11. I’ve just watched the “Paparazzi” video properly for the first time ever. THIS IS ALSO AMAZING. She dances with crutches. How have I missed this?
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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January 10, 2010 - 8:21 pm
She is, indeed, a legend – that Kermit dress defies description. My fear is that this wackiness is all contrived by a group of marketing geniuses (genii?) who’ve never been told “NO!”. Does the real Lady Gaga go home, hang up her hat of hair, put the kettle on and have a nice cup of tea while doing The Times crossword?
January 10, 2010 - 9:29 pm
Dammit! One by one she reels them in. I have been a hold out too, but i fear Bad Romance may have seduced me for now. I still find her intensely irritating, but that hasn’t stopped me liking some of her tunes or drunkenly rubbing myself up My Boyfriend doing the middle 8 from Love Game (oh the shame). Still this post (as is Lady Gaga) is far more contemporary than my latest effort!!
January 10, 2010 - 9:47 pm
The Boyfriend – I genuinely think it’s all her. My logic is this: I think record companies are so risk averse that they would probably be against such bizarre behaviour. I definitely think she probably does also do a crossword with a nice cup of tea too though (although probably whilst in the bath pretending to be a bat). (It’s genii. I still can’t believe that it was my approach to grammar that was the *most* attractive thing about me, FYI).
Paul – Bad Romance has reeled me right in. I am singing it at anyone who will listen. I’m now intrigued by the middle 8 of Love Game and will have a listen.